Where did the Village go?

I am pleased to share a blog from my wife, Nicole. I hope you all enjoy.

Does anyone remember the saying "It takes a village to raise a child?” The village: a group of people who loved you, loved your children, supported each other and all pitched in to help one another. The village was family; grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. The village was neighbors and a family friend that you called "Auntie" because she had been friends with your mom for so long you forgot that you were not blood relatives.

The people of the village were there for the long haul. They were there for the hard stuff. They changed diapers, cared for you when you were sick, they heard you angry and embraced you when you were sad and at your end. People, with the best intentions, often offer to take Kennedy for the day to help me. Kennedy is a 5 year old mini version of me that could practically raise one of the boys on her own. Please don't take her do you want Everett? I'm joking but really don't take her. The village didn't say things like "I'll be there if you really need me." or "Let me know if you need anything." People are much too prideful (myself included) to accept offers like that. They did one thing. They showed up.

Can I just ask, what happened to the village, anyway? I'm no parenting expert, but it has seemed to me that the village has all but disappeared. It seems we live in a society that simply says, you're on your own and slams the door. You chose this life. You chose this family. It is not our obligation to help you. Sometimes it even feels like, “I didn't have this when I was your age”, or the “I had to walk up the hill both ways to get to school in the snow” syndrome.

Last fall, we found out that we were expecting Quinn, our fourth baby. We were nervous...come on who wouldn't be? However, we trusted God and believed He would never give us this big of a blessing if we couldn't handle it. I am sad to even type this, but we waited quite a long time to tell the people around us we were expecting because we were worried about their judgment. I know that sounds crazy, but even though we were going through a tough time in our lives we felt blessed and were content to keep our blessing a family secret.

At the end of my pregnancy and shortly after Quinn was born I truly found out the real blessing of the village. It's funny, though, because it came from the most unexpected places. However, isn't that just the way God works? He does the work and simply uses others as His tools. I cannot tell you how humbling an experience it was for my church family to shower my fourth blessing with so much love. There were diapers appearing everywhere, even on my door step.  A friend from my daughter’s school set up meals for our family and people we barely knew were bringing us everything from gift cards to complete homemade Mexican fiestas. My friend since high school showed up one day with food, a gift card for more food later, and gifts like crafts that would keep my other kids busy so I could focus on the baby. She sat with me for hours and talked but mostly she listened. Please believe me friends, humbled doesn't even begin to describe what I felt. I was on my knees thanking God for sending His people to be the hands and feet of Christ. I was so jaded before. I didn't believe people like this existed. I felt so alone.

I know, though, that it takes a village all the time and for everyone and sadly we as a people have lost that somewhere along the way. I never thought about it until I found mine again...in the most unlikely spots and with the most unlikely people. The village is of God and from God. In fact, He commanded it. Mark 12:31 says very clearly "Love your neighbor as yourself." Jesus, Himself, talked about being the village to those around us. In Matthew 25:40 he said, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least if these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me."

So, can I ask you a question? Can I be part of your village? Because when tears are flowing from my eyes and I feel like I am not enough I am also praying for you. I'm praying even though I feel empty God will give me enough to be the village to you. By His strength I am strengthened to give more than the world thinks is possible, more then I think is possible...by His alone. Will you help bring back the village?

When the darkness closes in, Lord ... I will say

Blessed be your name. 

Lately I have been thinking about my luck. It has seemed lately that it’s one thing after another with my family lately. Last week someone said, “Man, you have had a string.” All I could think of was a pendulum and that as it swings to the one side up high; it has to swing back the other direction, right? When things get tough, when the darkness closes in, what will you say? Will you curse His name, or bless His name?

“Blessed be the name of the LORD from this time forth and for evermore. From the rising of the sun unto the going down of the same the LORD'S name is to be praised” (Psalm 113:2-3 KJV)

However, how many times do we slip? How many times do we let out a curse? I know I do, and when I do, I feel so embarrassed. You know when the person cuts you off, when you stub your toe, or your child does the one thing you told them NOT to do. It’s in those very moments that I curse His name. I forget sometimes that there are blessing all around us, even in the dark, we can find him and praise him. I have started to think, just what life would give me if I didn't experience those things. 

Many people know Nicole and I have four beautiful children. You also know they are close in age. We have been so blessed with our little ones. Lately we have had some struggles with our 3-year-old G-man. Those that know him absolutely know just how special he is to our family. He is funny, sweet, crazy, loud, loving, and full of energy kind of boy! He has had some little struggles lately that have set him on a path that is uniquely him. We do not know exactly what it is, but what we do know is we would not have it any other way. What many of you do not know that after our oldest Kennedy was born, we actually experience a miscarriage. It was pretty early on however after being so excited that we were going to have another one join our family, it was devastating. I was pretty new in my faith with Christ that I really had to think deep down why this would happen? Nicole and I grew closer together and said that God has a plan for everything. Even when we do not know, there is a reason. It was still tough. There was a pain and hole in my heart that I never even thought I could imagine. I mean, I did not even know who he/she was. It was a tiny little being, a peanut, but it was my child. Not too long afterwards, we were blessed to find out that we were once again pregnant, but as any father knows, I immediately had my guard up. What would happen? 

As we passed the week of our saddens before, we could breathe a sigh of relief. If I could control it I would have Nicole on permanent bed rest, hooked up to the monitors 24-7. I would have her wrapped in a bubble, surrounded by the best doctors to prevent what would happen before. It was a rough period for us emotionally as we carried this baby and grew excited when each day, week, month passed. Eventually on March 5th we were blessed with Grayson! Our little, perfect bundle of joy, my first son. When I look back on it now, I have said before that I could not imagine my life without him. He is a perfect fit for our family. There is a shine of light in our story because I remind myself that if we didn't lose our child we wouldn't have Grayson. I know that is tough say and some would balk at it, however It reminds me to say Blessed Be Your Name! Even with Grayson’s energy, I wouldn't want it any other way. 

I try to remind myself that through it all God is on my side. Even when I curse His name, I know that He loves me anyways. Even when I forget to bless His name, I can always turn to him to protect me, I ultimately know that I am a treasure in the arms of Christ. We do not have to be perfect. We do not have to wear a mask to cover who we are. As I finish this, my pray for you is that you can release your pain, anger, hurt, frustration and give it to God. I pray that your pendulum will swing back in your favor and if you give it to God, in the good and the bad, we can continue to sing Blessed Be His name! 

Jesus Practice!

It’s been a while. Actually it’s been a long while, so excuse my absence. Life has been keeping me busy, busier than I can ever imagine. Not sure where I left off but we have a new addition to our family, actually almost 6 months old, Quinn, my 3^rd son and 4^th child. I have switched careers, where I no longer am the slave to downtown and work a lot closer to home. Currently I am in school studying for my undergrad degree, which has always been a life-long goal of mine. A lot has happened. More importantly I have been able to serve in Student ministries at our church the past couple years and it has been an absolute blast. I have learned more about myself and working with young students than I had even known before.

Last couple years I had the honor to work with 7^th and 8^th graders and this year I am blessed to work with the 6^th grade guys! I was so open to it, that I dove in and suggested it. 6^th grade boys can be a challenge for sure. They are still little boys who have to start the journey to grow into young men. I am excited to see how they grow over the course of the next year. So enough of me, but I wanted to focus this a little on something that has been pulling on my heart over the past couple years.

When will Jesus “practice” be just as important as sports practice? When will we put God on the same level as sports for our kids? All sorts of practice: football, basketball, cheerleading, etc. You name it. And it’s not just Wednesdays. Travel basketball, travel cheerleading, and travel baseball and softball take up a lot of students’ weekends. I ask myself why is it ok for students to miss “Jesus” practice and let down their small group team however they can NEVER miss a sports practice, otherwise their commitment to the team wavers. I have struggled with this over and over.

I read an article from a student ministry leader who asked his Small Group of 9^th grade guys, all of them athletes, what the number one challenge was to being a teenage Christ-follower in their cultural context. He would have been willing to put “peer pressure,” or “temptation,” first. Maybe even “influence from media,” or something similar. However do you, know what their unanimous response was?

Time.

They are tapped out. He said they all say that their prayer lives are in a good place, but their time to devote to meeting God in His Word (where they are focused and not exhausted) is admittedly slim.

That is scary to me. As 6^th-12^th grade students this is one of the most important times in their lives as they learn and grow. They will take all of what they know from the first 12 years and in the next 6 it will really shape who they are as a person as they move from children to teenagers, to young adults.

It scares me because I have started to see students faith attacked by over commitment. This is not just athletics it is all extra-curricular activities...and yes, church is part of that. I have come to the conclusion that if I am going to be able to have any integrity as a student minister and therefore spiritual guidance in the lives of students I have to be able to confront the issues with mom and dad. However, we all need to watch out for our students and realize that mom and dad have not been down this road before so they may need some help. Students do not have to do everything...and the reality is that very few of them are the next big thing in whatever their activity...but they are all the next big thing as far as God is concerned. When my students are under attack, I pray that they be strong in their faith.

Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6:10-13 NIV

However, if I am the only one praying they stay strong, then how can I reach the people who are supposed to be their ultimate role models? My Pastor says, church is supposed to be experienced in circles not rows meaning, small groups is where true relationships are formed. The weekends are just to reinforce the relationships. If we do not get them in the circles now on Student nights, will we ever get them? If we do not reach them now, will we ever reach them? Since the first Christ-followers met in small groups in Jerusalem in the first century, believers have been gathering like this to grow together in their faith. All throughout the Bible, we can see the call to grow and mature in our faith. Salvation is about belief. But living the Christ-life is about growing in our knowledge of God and looking to let that knowledge shape our lives.

As my kids start to grow and get involved, it is important to me to help them continue to grow in their relationship with Christ. How can I help them role model what is right? How can I be sure that the priorities of life are intact always and when the tough decisions have to be made, they choose what is right, what is most important in their lives? They choose God first above all else and if that means alternating between practices, or deciding to study Jesus first, then I have to pray that is what they will learn. Society says different, even from some of the most faithful parents I know. The pressures on athletics and sports is too much influence on their family. I pray that never is the case for me. That I will always put God first.

Getting rid of my beer belly!

Ok, so I may have a belly, but it's actually not a beer belly.  Also, this blog isn't about weight loss or beer but hopefully I now have your attention.  Cheap trick, I know, but it will all come together in the end. What is it that you're carrying around in your life that you wish you weren't?  What's consuming you? 

The other day I was thinking about just that in my own life. What's eating at me that I just can't shake off?  I think we can all probably relate to that feeling.  Is it something at work, something that happened at home, something you read on Facebook or maybe something much bigger like poverty, war, and prejudice?  Maybe each day is different for you. You wake up or go to bed with something on your mind that you just can't shake.  Maybe it’s an argument with your wife, a bad report card from your child, or sales reports from work highlighting the dismal economy?  The list could go on and on, and while these are all things that rattle any core, something bigger keeps me up at night and it isn't my three month old baby. 

A few years ago, my wife and I finally found our church home.  I often tell people it's the exact place we were looking for without knowing what we were looking for.  Nicole has always been a believer and has had a relationship with Jesus.  I wouldn't have called myself a non-believer but I surely didn't have a relationship with JC.  Soon after we found our home, we decided that we wanted to get baptized.  Sure we were both baptized as children by our families, but this was something different.  We were baptized together and were submerged and declared God our Lord and Savior. It was a glorious day and I know the angels were singing up in heaven.  I knew at that time that I believed and had started my walk.  What I also thought then was that I was getting rid of my "beer belly".  I was washing all my sin, my doubts and fears away.  What I didn't fully realize was that this was just the beginning and if I don’t continually trim it away it will come back.  It would creep back into my life sometimes faster than I got rid of it in the first place. 

Part of what I have learned was that none of what I did that day matters if I decide to polish it with a nice coat of wax and never go back for its care again.  Kind of like your car, it's all shiny and new, you get the ultimate supreme wash with all the bells and whistles, but eventually it will wear away and get dusty and dirty again.  You can choose to wait and polish it every few months but what makes a car look its very best is when you wash and clean it every day.  Just because I was baptized doesn't mean that I'm all set and I can just sit back and wait to sit in my big chair in the sky.  I believe it is the constant relationship with Jesus that makes you stronger, shiny and new. 

Christ just wants to have a relationship with us.  We all try to run, hide and even cover up our missteps with Febreze but God already knows.  He already knows what I've done, what my doubts are, what my fears are and has seen me through every failure. See that what's so awesome!  We can be forgiven for our sins daily by coming to Jesus and allowing him to take them. In fact, He already paid it all on the cross for us. So now it's up to us to let Him. Lately, I've started daily conversations with Christ.  Sometimes I talk with Him at my desk, in the car, at home, in public and in the shower.  I talk to Him whenever I need to because He is always there.  The only reason why I am able to open my heart and soul to Him is because of the day I washed it all away. 

I've been carrying a burden on me over the course of the year.  It was beginning to really bother me.  The problem was that I knew it, Nicole knew it, and Jesus knew it.  However, until I was able to cry out to God and give it all to Him, I could not be healed on my own. See I wasn't myself; I would get these random pains and headaches.  I went to the doctor and we ran some tests and nothing was showing.  I would then get these bursts of anger and frustrations.  Sometimes, I would literally scream out from the pain and noise.  It got to the point where it was causing strain on me and my family.  It finally took me to get on my knees and ask God for healing not just for me but for my wife and kids.  I prayed and prayed. Shortly thereafter, I finally heard what God was telling me.  Listen to your wife, you big dumb animal, and let her help you.  So, we went back to the doctor and I finally received relief for my anxiety.  I was told it may take several weeks for it to start to work for me but Nicole would be able to notice it much sooner. A few weeks after that day, with tears in my eyes, I thanked God for His healing hand.  I could literally feel the change in my life and boy was it awesome!  I am will forever be thankful. 

Now you may be thinking to yourself, well you just got the right medication and that’s what did it, and I would say you are partially right.   Our doctor, Dr. Rick, helped me balance the pain with medication, no doubt.  However, what I know was the biggest factor was releasing to God what I was hiding from.  See I believe that God is the creator of all things.  Surely the medicine may have worked alone, but I have no doubt that the biggest factor in my healing was my relationship with Jesus. My conversations with Him allowed me to release control and let Him take over.  Through the Grace of God, the right doctor and medication I am on the right track.  See I also believe that none of this is chance.  Dr. Rick came into my life several years ago but has been Nicole's doctor for most of her life.  He has been a great friend and ally in taking care of Nicole, I and our kids over the years.  However, the greatest thing is that he is not only a believer but also has a relationship with Christ.  Only during the past couple years have we even learned the extent of his family’s involvement with his church.  I don’t believe all of this is just a coincidence.  It's just another part of God's amazing plans for us, set in motion before we were ever born. 

So what’s this blog all about again? Oh that’s right; it's about cleansing, shaping up and trimming the fat. I believe that some of the biggest fears people have about getting baptized are: the feeling of not being in control, justifying that you were already baptized as an infant or child so you don't need to be again, or the fear that your family or friends won't understand it.  When we submit our lives to Jesus Christ we relinquish control, but by being baptized we ultimately control our eternities.  If you we're baptized with a sprinkle or dusting as a child, that is so awesome and surely you have received God in your life. Children are born as an act of God.  However, I believe the most important thing that you can do as an adult, is to personally submit to submersion, like Jesus did.  It has to be done this way. If someone in your life doesn't understand your choice, then that is a perfect opportunity to invite them to church to learn more and share the good news together.  Who knows? They might even decide to get baptized with you. The more the better, there is room for everyone. 

Friends I invite you to get up and be baptized.  Commit your life to Christ with the ultimate act of submission.  I would love to be there for you, and if you want, I'll even get wet in the water. We could always use a little cleansing to wipe away our dust and dirt again!  You don't have to be perfect to get baptized.  You don't have to attend church every weekend or even ever have attended.  Just get in the water.  In fact, Jesus wants to be friends with you and you can consider baptism your first date.  After you are baptized and you commit yourself to Christ well be able to walk on earth and share the good news and when our Lord calls us home, we will be together all together again, but it won't happen unless you submit. 

Do you want to really know what keeps me up at night sometimes?  It's knowing that some of my family and friends may not be with me up in Heaven because they were afraid to follow Jesus and proclaim Him as their Lord and Savior.  So what can I do? I can't force it upon you, but I can share my story with you and continue to spread the love of Jesus to all I come in contact with.  So what are you waiting for? Get up and be washed by the water and get ready to make a big splash.  You won't regret it. 

"In the future, when you experience all these blessings and curses I have listed for you, and when you living among the nations to which the Lord your God has exiled you, take to heart all these instructions. If at that time you and your children return to the Lord your God, and if you obey with all your heart and all your soul all the commands I have given you today, then the Lord your God will restore your fortunes. He will have mercy on you and gather you back from all the nations where he has scattered you.  Even though you are banished to the ends of the earth, the Lord your God will gather you from there and bring you back again.”  Deuteronomy 30:1-4

Lord thank you for my Smokin’ Hot Wife!.

Please tell me you have seen this clip and my wife’s favorite clip!   That’s some funny stuff right there.  In all seriousness, today marks my 4^th wedding anniversary to my wife, Nicole.  I know many of you may be thinking, only 4 years of marriage and 3 kids 3 and under?  Wow!  For those of you who may not know us too well, while we may only be married for 4 years, we have been together and known each other for a dozen or so now.  So if I put my marriage time into present known time, she is my old ball and chain! 

I have been reading the book Love and War by John & Stasi Eldredge, which I recommend as a must read for any couple getting married, in marriage or falling out of marriage.  The book takes you through their marriage and points to some of the finer things in a marriage that is important to keep in perspective between a man and a woman.  The opening though talks about marriage being a Love story and a War story.  It truly puts it into perfect perspective right at the beginning.  In my first few blog posts I talked about being a great father, a great man and now I want to share my thoughts on being a great husband. 

Let me start off by reiterating that I am still learning how to be a great husband.  In fact, at times, I think I am awful at it.  I am not perfect and neither are any of you.  But if I can keep putting in the effort to be better and always willing to learn, then I know I am on the right path.  A war story, you may ask?  My favorite book tells us:  “Be self-controlled and alert.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, stand in firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.”  I Peter 5:8

Isnt love grand?  Isn’t it wonderful?  YES it is and YES it can be.  See when we were put here God made man and woman to live in Eden.  But early on we learn that the arc angel is not far away in fact he is in the garden and with that Eden falls out of Glory only for us to find it again in perfect harmony when we get into Heaven.  Now if you don’t know the story, I encourage you all to read it as it truly is a remarkable book, filled with all the stuff us guys like!  But see on my anniversary I am reflecting on this part of the story as a war story. 

See we all like a good battle and I am in a battle every day for my marriage.  Don’t misunderstand what I am trying to say, I love my wife, we will finish our life here on earth together as I promised when I said I do.  This has nothing to do with my love for her in the war story.  She knows that but see in this story the devil is always around and even when we put down our guard for one single moment he is ready to swoop in and take control of our lives. 

On this anniversary I am reminded that it’s a war story.  All around me the devil is devouring love and spitting out all the best things that God made with it into adultery, divorce, hatred and fear.  That’s the battle I am fighting.  As a husband and a father I am constantly battling the evilness of our word and defending the very promise I made my wife 4 years ago.  I promise to protect you, be faithful to you and always be there for you in front of God and witnesses.  See all around me the world is filled with wickedness that the evil one caused when it all began.  The world tells me divorce happens, and that it’s ok.  But you see I don’t accept that as normal in my life. I don’t accept that as the way it has to be.   God doesn’t want it that way for me and my marriage and surely he doesn’t want it for you.   

This won’t be easy for any of us, but I know that it’s worth fighting for.  In fact it’s the most important thing worth fighting for.  On this anniversary I give thanks to God for marrying me to the person He planned out for me.  For giving me a wife who takes care of me, loves me for all my imperfections for showing me what it’s like to be a man.  See we all need our Eve.  The one who is put here on this earth to be a constant companion.  Throughout time we have been battling for good.  Today I fight for my marriage and resist the devil.  The scary thing is that tomorrow starts all over and a new battle begins.  See this is a War story.  One that never ends just when we get comfortable and complacent I am reminded that the devil is looking right over my shoulder.  But in my story, good will win over evil because I am fighting and I won’t stop. 

Nicole, thank you for listening to God’s words and saying I do!  Thank you for allowing me into your heart and for giving me everything and more.  I am not putting my guard down.  You are too important.  I am far from perfect but having you and our kids has me living the perfect life.  I don’t know what the future has in our story but as long as I have you that I am fighting for, I am all in!  I love you!

p.s. Nicole is usually my editor for my blog and helps me put my ramblings and thoughts into a proper format to read.  While I do not apologize for my content, I do apologize for any sentences that run on, don’t have proper punctuation or too many words.  I had to edit this one on my own.  It is just part of my war story! 

Where's the Beef?

I love my father in law.  I really do.  For those of you that know him, you know that he has the biggest heart a guy could have.  He called us the other day to let us know that he got some extra meat for making keftedes, Greek meatballs - here’s a recipe for those who are interested. He then proceeded to ask if we would like any of the extra beef to make our own. I mean this guy is a real guy’s guy. “I got some extra meat. You want some?”  All kidding aside, the fact that he would go out of his way to ask us if we would like him to make us some dinner, knowing we have a newborn is a really kind gesture.  How many guys do you know that would go out of their way to help you out?  Seriously, can you even count them on one hand?  I’m not talking about the everyday friend who says they would be there for you, but one that truly would do anything for you. They would stop everything, at the drop of a dime, to offer their hands, their feet, their sweat, and their heart to help someone in need?

A few months back I had some friends at my house for dinner and conversation.  While talking , my friend Rick and I get into a discussion about how there is no real spot in the kitchen to store our garbage can so we keep it in a closet. I know odd, but this is what men talk about, ok? Then without hesitation Rick says if we want that he would come over and build a cabinet for us right off of our kitchen island to make it easier.   Now those of you that know me know I am not the handiest of guys myself, so any chance I get to have someone do the construction work for me, I jump at.  It’s not that I’m lazy or don’t like to do work, I am more of as my father in law likes to say, a pencil pusher.  Trust me; I don’t take that with any sort of disrespect for who I am and what I do. Some guys just have it in their wiring to build, repair, tinker while others are more into spreadsheets, paperwork and office tasks.  I have no doubt in my mind that if I asked him for help, Rick would be over in a heartbeat ready to be the hands and feet for me in building that cabinet.  

How many times have you heard the stereotype about guys who don't like to ask for directions or help? Sometimes I ask myself is it really just a stereotype or is there some underlying truth to it?  When are we going to break that mold?  Why do we, as men, feel the pressure to always know what to say and do the right thing in every situation?  We want to be that guy that has it all together. We want to "fix" all the problems, have all the answers and be in control. We want to be that guy others rely on, the one who has the right tools and the right answers.  Who puts these pressures on us? Our wives? Society? Our bosses? Maybe sometimes, but I believe we mostly put it on ourselves.

Think about it, this is often the same pressure we place on our sons.  We want them to be a star athlete, the smart doctor, or brave firefighter.  We have it all planned out for them.  If they just eat their vegetables, work out right; study hard than they will be ready to fill that mold.  Isn't there more we want for them than that?  What kind of men will we raise our sons to be?  Do we want them to be men that are cookie cutters of what our culture and society says they should be, or do we want to raise strong men who embrace their own skill-set and strengths no matter what society dictates. Men who strive to be the best they can be. Men, who aren’t envious of what others can do, but understand the importance of their role in the circle of brotherhood.

I think deep down we all want our sons to be the best and have everything. We want them to be good husbands and fathers.  I married into a family of guys guys.  Men who do the men work.  The boys played their sports, got jobs in criminal justice, mowed the lawn and they fixed cars, built decks, drove boats, go to baseball games, and have toolboxes. However, more importantly, what I really married into is a group of men that have unconditional love for one another.  Love that is so deep that if I picked up the phone and called them for anything, they would do it in a heartbeat.  No questions asked.  I married into this brotherhood that is so unexplainable yet so real.

We all need that brotherhood in our lives. These men are the true definition of honest, trusting guys who will not just tell you what you want to hear but to help you discover what you need.  We need the kind of men who will draw out their sword with you on the battlefield.  It’s a group of guys who will build kitchen cabinets for you, make your family dinner, or go to a hockey game with you. These are the kind of men who don't mind talking about their kids or who aren't too proud to share how much they love their wife.  Whether it is in a church small group, the guys in your family or your neighborhood pals, we all long for and desperately need that brotherhood. We need to ask for directions sometimes.

At the end of the day we all want to live a life that has substance and meaning. Society likes to tell us that this kind of brotherhood doesn't truly exist, and that really when it boils down to it it's every man for himself. You know what? I really don’t believe that’s true, because I've seen otherwise for myself. There  are times when I look at myself and ask where’s the beef,  but then I think of one of my favorite passages from my favorite book and it reminds me that there is always someone willing to break the mold and fight the stereotypes with me.  So gather up brothers, and be prepared to battle for yourself, your loved ones and your sons!

"In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. “ Ephesians 6:16-17

Being a great parent has given you good kids. God just gave you the opportunity.

“Being a great parent has given you good kids. God just gave you the opportunity.” I read this today on a friends Facebook wall. It was in response to him mentioning that God gave him such great kids. The more I read this the more it really stuck out at me. God has given us so many opportunities and unique moments to realize just how special life is and how much He has offered us. Still no matter how many opportunities we are presented with God still says it is up to us on what we do with them. So what does it take to be a great parent, and further more what does it take to be a great father?

I am in no way perfect. In fact, I am far from it. However, lately, I have been told that I am a great father. This made me wonder what does it mean to be a great father? Do I give my kids everything they want? Do I confuse my love with materialist things? Do I treat their mother right by being a great husband? So often, I see so many examples of bad dads but who am I to judge? The parents brawling at a little league game, maybe someone was picking on their child? The child who boarded a plane to run away, maybe he was being abused? Parents buying their child all the best toys, video games and phones, maybe she is adopted and has never had anything growing up?

The point I’m trying to make is: who am I to judge what kind of father those dads are? I am sure I am being judged by others for me letting my child stay up late, buying that one toy she was whining for, or giving them 2 scoops of ice cream instead of dinner. So how does that make ME a great father? The more I thought about it, the more that I kept going back to God. HE has made me a great father! He has given me the opportunity to be a great father because He has been a great Father to me! To think He gave us His one and only Son to die for us because we are not perfect and because of our imperfections we are allowed the choice to be a great parent.

I work hard. I enjoy my job. I really do. I think my job brings great value to society. My daughter asked me the other day why I have to work. It actually broke my heart. If only my daughter knew how many mornings I dragged myself out of bed not wanting to leave for work but instead wanting to do nothing more than to be at home with them. I wanted to be bitter and say so we can have everything in life that we want. However my response, the more I thought about it, is an example of what my Father has taught me. I choose to work hard so mommy doesn’t have to have a job outside of the home and so I can actually be a better parent. Having a job that i am dedicated to allows me to teach my children the value of hardwork. When I get home from my 2 hour commute and 12 hour day my world revolves around my wife and kids. I pour all my free time into their lives and development. It would be very easy for me to say I am tired when I come home and dont feel like interacting with my children. What kind of father would I be, though, if I spent my time watching ESPN or turned to the internet for online poker? What kind of example would I be setting for my kids and what kind of opportunities would I miss if I choose my needs over theirs?

I would miss the prayers we say when we tuck them into bed. I would miss my daughter whispering to my newborn son, “Don’t worry I will always be here for you and take care of you and never leave you.” I would miss my 16 month old running up and down the park ramp over and over again, smiling and laughing the whole time. I'd miss my daughter pretending she is stuck in peanut butter and jelly and needs me to rescue her (I'm not sure where she got that from). God has given me these opportunities to cherish life. The opportunity to be a great parent and I have choosen to accept that challenge head on!

Being a dad is not an easy job, whether you have one child or a baker’s dozen. It’s tough no matter how many children you have or what age your children are. Between work and social functions, your wife and family interactions, between hanging out with the guys afterwork for a drink or spending all your time in the garage working on your dream car, you now have to assume some sort of control of someone else’s life. That is if you choose to, if you take the opportunity to. It’s easy to say I am too busy or that’s not my job, its my wife's, but isn’t the person who you gave life to your "job"? Trust me I know how easy it can be to make excuses. There are things that have to be done. I have to pay the bills, have to make sure the garbage goes out, lawn mowed, light bulbs changed and on and on. As guys, those things are our job, right?

So then who will raise your children? Your wife? A mother provides the ultimate caregiver role for our children but they need their dads influence and guidance as well. If we don't step up and take that responsibility who will? Who will be their male influence? If not you, it will come from somewhere. It doesn't matter if you have a boy or girl. They both need their daddy: to protect them, to teach them, to hug them, to influence them, to love them. They need you to show them what kind of love a guy should provide to his family. If your doubting your abilities or tallying your imperfections, remember that no one is perfect and says you need to be. I think your kids just want a relationship with you. They will take you as you are. It's just like Gods love for us and His ability to take us as we are, with all our imperfections and faults. He just wants us to have a relationship with Him.

Dads, men, it's time for us to start living a life that is real. Real for our wives, our children, our community. Too often our society accepts the bad dad news as gospel, but we never hear of all the good guys. The dads who pour their every breath into their children, who don't accept the way society sees the way we should act but the way we know we need to act. I think there is no greater honor than to be called father. Before having children I could never imagine what it would be like to have a child and now I have three. But as I held my newborn son, last week, in my arms for the very first time, I couldn't help but be in complete awe about the miracle of life.

So, how do we do this when everyone else is judging us? How can we compete when we look at the dad next to us and feel he is doing a better job or when we see a dad who is worse then us and become complacent with that? With that I'm reminded of a story from my childhood:

A little railroad engine was employed about a station yard for such work as it was built for, pulling a few cars on and off the switches. One morning it was waiting for the next call when a long train of freight-cars asked a large engine in the roundhouse to take it over the hill. "I can't; that is too much a pull for me," said the great engine built for hard work. Then the train asked another engine, and another, only to hear excuses and be refused. In desperation, the train asked the little switch engine to draw it up the grade and down on the other side. " I think I can," puffed the little locomotive, and put itself in front of the great heavy train. As it went on the little engine kept bravely puffing faster and faster, " I think I can, I think I can, I think I can."

As it neared the top of the grade, which had so discouraged the larger engines, it went more slowly. However, it still kept saying, " I - think - I can, I - think - I - can." it reached the top by drawing on bravery and then went on down the grade, congratulating itself by saying, " I thought I could, I thought I could."

Dads, we start by just doing. I think I can, I - think - I -can, I thought I could!